It is entirely too late to be writing, but the Lord has planted an anxiousness in my heart. I often get this 'second wind' at odd hours. It hits me, or wakes me, with purpose.
One night in February of 2008, I was finally settled in bed by four o'clock after a bizarre emergency room trip where I argued with the head nurse and allowed a rather fruity male nurse to dote on Dad with his lispy, meditative words of comfort. When I should have passed out from sheer exhaustion, I felt a sudden need to write. It wasn't just any writing, but a specific message to a specific person. The person was little Jesse, an unborn baby whose birth I was eagerly anticipating. I knew that it could be any day and I was ready. Except for this note, neatly written with a brown calligraphy pen on parchment paper. I wanted to write the note to this baby so that when he (or she as we didn't know at the time) was an adult, he could read the message and know that he was a blessing even in his mother's womb; to remind him that his identity is in Christ. I witnessed Jesse's birth 12 hours later. Since that evening I have not ignored these urgings.
This weekend we are staying at a family member's beach house, reveling in some much needed family time, and indulging our hospitality bug. We dusted it off on Friday evening with some new friends from a family Church that we have attended rather infrequently. We thoroughly enjoyed the fellowship, and it did little but remind us how desperately we love and miss our Colorado Family (oh, the jealousy we felt when we found out about Wednesday evenings at the Gibas house!) Point being, that in our current situation we are unable to spend quality time with those that we love, including the others in our small family unit!
**A note to our Colorado Family: you must know that during the few times that we do fellowship, most of our discussion is about you! We love you so much and everyone who talks to us gets an ear-full of that!**
I can't say that we will ever be settled in the condo, caring for Papa, though we have a consistent routine. So many things get in the way of our conversation, and family time. It is difficult to share our thoughts, struggles and feelings. Those things that we would discuss over coffee or one-on-one time cannot be shared around the house anymore for the sake of Papa's emotions. - No, we do not talk badly about him behind his back, but our life revolves around his every whim. All of our issues concern him and the majority of our struggles have to do with our move, our housing, Dad's job, and our lack of quality time which reverts back to to his care. - We have established a mandatory time after dinner, when Mom and Dad take Noah for a walk outside the gated community. Aside from that, we are literally stuck in the living room trying not to bang our heads against the wall because the TV is
still on.
What a blessing this little retreat has been from the hubbub of every day! The time to sit and talk and joke and play and be free and fellowship with each other is exactly the little boost that we needed for our foursome. Especially since Collier is leaving us again and returning to ALERT, possibly until Thanksgiving. It is so strange to realize that Collier is working to learn skills that will someday provide for his family and his ministry. He is 'growing-up', something I am not completely ready for. The Lord is really teaching me that my life is not about what I would prefer. It
can be difficult and I can still be joyful!
All of this brings me back to the whole point of writing: I am so grateful for my family. I am proud as pie that Collier is returning to ALERT because he actually wants to. I am indebted to my mother for showing me, though her actions, how to be a truly humble caretaker. I am taken aback by my father's diligence in this job that he does not like; how he is actively giving it to the Lord and seeking His will. I love the people that I call my family: their acts of kindness toward me and the ways that we serve each other. We do not doubt that any one of us has the other's best interests in mind. We dedicate each other to the Lord. I love the way Mom looks at me and gives glory to God that I am at home and submitting willingly to my parents. We have a rocky past. It is a constant reminder that we would be completely ruined as individuals and as a family without God's grace.
